our games and our gun

to be honest. .i still want to be a cowboy. .i own cowboy boots.tight jeans.pearl snaps.belt buckles. and .stage coach guns. .so i got very excited when claire and i went to the store to register saturday and there was a handgun involved. .i quickly disregarded the fact that the store attendant had given the gun to claire. .i quickly apprehended it and searched my outfit and store merchandise for a suitable holster. .i became a boy. .that was not entirely a good thing. .my gun excited me. .but boys are not excited by pots and pans unless they are to be used as snare drums.cymbals. or .helmets. .degenerated to boyhood. .not always a bad thing. .as a kids claire and i jumped on beds.laid on the floor to test pillows. .tapped crystal glasses with silver knives to listen to the sounds. .sipped imaginary hot cocoa from china tea cups. .it was awesome. BUT .boyhood is not all good. .i had little need for 25 dollar bowls. .boys don't need german-made.hand-sharpened knives. .boys say unwise things that break princess hearts. .had they given us a scanning sword perhaps i would have acted like a knight. .knights defend.save.honor princesses. .cow-boys are ill-suited for such tasks. .so many times, the boy inside called things dumb and complained of prices and colors. .the boy wished for toys and tools not art and beauty. .my bride like a wonderful girl, played with me. BUT .she played grown-up. .a woman pretending to be a girl pretending to be a woman. .perhaps that's why they gave her the gun. .like young girls love to play with cellphones, she knew exactly what that gun was for. .it was for playing. but .playing grown up. not .shooting indians or outlaws.

.as we registered for very nice things, i discovered another reason i love claire. .she lets me play and loves me irregardless of my disinterest in china and silver. .she pardons my irreverence to culture. .it made me think of a song. .the lyrics follow and detail a boy in love with a princess. .he loves her and her culture but knows little of it and cannot promise to provide any of it. .while this is a caricature of claire and i, it conveys the point. .can each of us forgo the things we are used to in favor of being together with nowhere to be. .she could just as easily as me to go without my camo pants and dirty white ts. .my thrift store clothes and my processed foods. .my belief and my hope is that we will each say yes.

.nowhere to be. by .cast iron filter.

If you was my baby,
We'd go walk out on the sand
Eat hot dogs,
Drink a lot of cheap beer,
And still try to stand
Drive the highway
From toll to toll
A little static in the AM
On my radio
I'd show you things
That you'd never know
Things that you can't plan

But I know you ain't my baby,
And I can see you from afar
And I know I can't
So I won't even try
To get up where you are
But have you ever tasted salt
Dripping from your face
Gotten drunk as hell at a good ribs place
Tried each day just to keep the pace
It's five bucks and you've got four

Baby I want to see you smile,
Baby I'd take you out in style
Way downtown where the rich folks go
Or we can just be me
And get drunk at the dollar movies
See the stars, lights on cars
Time is ours, with nowhere to be.

The movies let out early
And the lovers home do run,
Through the low beams in the side lot
Off highway 501
Back way home,
I'm gonna take it slow
Wish I did but I don't know,
Work at six I've got to go
Another day in the sun
I wonder sometimes if you think of me
In your leather and your flowers
And your chocolate candies
You spend your hours
Down by the sea, sipping an umbrella drink
But could you go without your tiramisu
And eat the same thing a time or two
And take a rain check and an I owe you
On your pearls and a diamond ring.

Baby I want to see you smile,
Baby I'd take you out in style
Way downtown where the rich folks go
Or we can just be me
And get drunk at the dollar movies
See the stars, lights on cars
Time is ours, with nowhere to be.